Deconstructing Imposter Syndrome When You Are New
Imposter syndrome haunts people at all levels of achievement, but it especially lurks around people who are trying to level up in life.
Imposter syndrome might make a person in a new job feel insecure, or a new entrepreneur feel like a fraud. It can be a mere annoyance, or it can immobilize a person and prevent them from moving forward with their dreams. I’ve been thinking about imposter syndrome lately, and I’ve been tearing it apart, piece by piece. It has occurred to me that it must be a close cousin of anxiety. And that got me thinking even more. Let me share with you what I have been doing to break apart imposter syndrome into its tiniest bits so that it can be crushed like a bit of stale candy cane under the heel of your new shoes.
It might be a miscalculation.
It seems to me that imposter syndrome could result from underestimating our own abilities, as well as overestimating other people’s abilities. It might also be the result of overestimating how difficult a task or job might be. Breaking this down is key, so I will say it again. Imposter syndrome may be the result of underestimating ourselves, overestimating other people’s skills, or the result of overestimating how hard something will be. It might be simply a miscalculation.
You have personal strength. So stop underestimating yourself.
Let’s tackle the first problem — underestimating our own abilities. When this happens to me, I remind myself that I have already done really, really hard things. Have you survived or accomplished hard things? Of course you have. Here are some examples. Have you survived a difficult break up? Dealt with your own or someone else’s serious illness? Insisted on driving someone home who shouldn’t be driving? Have you had to move out on your own? Have you lost a person you loved? Have you given birth to or raised another human being? Then congratulations. You have already done hard things. Things that are probably harder than the thing you now want to do. You have already shown your own personal strength, so stop underestimating it.
Stop confusing the hard with the unfamiliar.
Next, let’s talk about overestimating how hard something is going to be. We’ve already discussed that the thing that you are trying to do or achieve is, most likely, not as hard or as difficult as the personal problems or responsibilities you have had to deal with. Dear reader, I hear you. You are saying, “Yes, I know I’ve done hard things. It’s just this one thing I’m doing now that makes me feel like an imposter.” If this is the case, remind yourself that you might be fearful because you are trying something new. New things can be scary, because we don’t know what to expect. Humans fear what they do not know, and your new venture is to some degree an unknown. As you practice and your new role becomes known, it will be less scary, and imposter syndrome will fade. You may be confusing hard with new and unfamiliar, therefore uncomfortable. Stop it.
There is no secret super power.
Now, let’s talk about overestimating other people’s abilities. It’s pretty easy to assume that everyone else has it all together. We can’t see their insides, their insecurities. They look confident and capable, so (we think) that must be how it is. When in reality, we know that appearances can be quite misleading. People who suffer from imposter syndrome think other people have a secret ability that they themselves lack. They may think less of themselves. In reality, there is no secret ability.
Michelle Obama let us in on a secret.
Michelle Obama said, “I’ve sat at every powerful table you can think of… they’re not that smart.” People got to where they are because of a number of factors, including who they know, who their parents know, where they went to school and who they met there, and because of the work they did. There is luck in success, and people who are successful have likely had at least some luck on the way. The success of others is intimidating. But it shouldn’t make us feel like we shouldn’t try to reach our own goals. They don’t have a special ability that we lack. There is an article by Scott Barry Kaufman in Scientific American if you would like to read more about this. It is titled “The Role of Luck in Life Success Is Far Greater Than We Realized.”
A true fraud is a person who pretends to have all the answers.
Let me add that we mistake being an imposter with being a person who doesn’t have all the answers. What if you don’t know the answer? Then what do you do? You feel relieved, because, guess what, you are completely normal. A true fraud is a person who says they have all the answers, but they really don’t. So don’t pretend like you have all the answers. It’s okay to not. Here’s the thing. We already know you don’t have all the answers. This doesn’t mean you can’t be confident, or that when you are confident, you are being a fraud. Confidence means that you believe that you have the skills to do the job and see it through to completion. It doesn’t mean that you need to pretend to have all the answers yourself.
Build a cushion of people.
When you don’t have the answers, that’s when you need to reach out for help. You need to network with others in your field who are able to support you and each other. Asking for help is a thing that successful people do and a way to learn from one another. Also, don’t be surprised when you go to your network group and ask a question, and no one knows the answer. Know why? Because they might not know more than you do. Add to your network a cushion of people who can simply support you when you feel insecure. These would be your friends.
Let’s summarize:
- Remind yourself that you have already done hard things. Stop underestimating your own personal strength.
- Doing new things is always scary because people fear the unknown. As you go along, things will become more familiar and less scary.
- Michelle Obama says the most powerful people in the world are not that smart. Successful people often have had the benefit of luck.
- Find people who can support you. Imagine a cushion of friendship for you to rely on.
- Confidence is believing you have the skills to see something through to completion.
- You got this.
I hope that this has helped you to deconstruct imposter syndrome. Let’s hope it’s now in small pieces that you can crush under the heels of your new shoes.
